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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28352886">The Last Holiday</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/solstice_sweetheart/pseuds/solstice_sweetheart'>solstice_sweetheart</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bittersweet Ending, Childhood Memories, Christmas Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Gift Giving</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:08:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,169</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28352886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/solstice_sweetheart/pseuds/solstice_sweetheart</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Hadvar's first time alone in Solitude for the holidays. Smitten by a certain Dragonborn, he invites her to spend the holidays with him in the hopes that this will deepen their relationship.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female Dovahkiin | Dragonborn/Hadvar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Something More</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoeticAnt44/gifts">PoeticAnt44</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For those of you familiar with my work, Hadvar and Anyaie are a part of my ongoing longfic, The Harbinger's Blood. I figured that since poor Hadvar gets shortchanged there, I'd give him a chance to shine here. Also, I wanted to write some good old fashioned holiday fluff. You don't need to have read THB in order to understand this piece and if you have read THB, think of it as a companion piece (no pun intended).</p>
<p>Also, this is a gift for the fantastic <a>PoeticAnt44.</a> Thank you for being an amazing beta, and for dealing with my regular insanity &lt;3  </p>
<p>And I can't forget this: thank you to all of you who read my work. I'm looking forward to writing more in the New Year! Happy Holidays!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The ink dripped onto the parchment and Hadvar had no choice but to toss it into the fire, just like he had with his other three attempts. <em>This shouldn't be so hard</em>, he thought, grabbing another piece of paper. This was no different from any other time that he wrote to her. Ah, who was he kidding? It was different.</p>
<p>Hadvar took a deep breath and dipped his quill into the vial of ink. It didn't need to be too deep or too serious. It would be okay as long as he kept it simple and a bit open-ended. He didn't want her to think he was pressuring her into coming to Solitude. Their relationship wasn't like that. <em>No overthinking it. Short, simple, and to the point, Hadvar</em>, he reminded himself, and took to writing the letter.</p>
<p>
  <em>Dear Anyaie,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I hope this message finds you in relative safety, and not in the middle of some old ruins trying to fend off draugr. If you are, tell me you at least packed a potion to resist frost with you this time. You still had icicles dripping from your nose the last time I saw you. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>All is well here, and I can't complain. Tullius is giving the men some time off, which is nice, but he wants us to stay stationed in Solitude. This is the first Evening Star I won't be in Riverwood for the holidays. My uncle understands. Still, it will feel strange not seeing him. Not to worry—Corpulus serves mulled wine around this time of the year. It's a good consolation, especially compared to The Sleeping Giant's ale. Don't tell Orgnar I said that. He always gives me one on the house when I'm in Riverwood and I'm not one to pass on free ale, no matter how terrible.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>How are you planning to spend your holidays? I imagine The Bannered Mare will be packed, and Hulda always provides tons of food at this time of year. Or maybe you'll be clearing out some bandit hideout for the Jarl. Give them a break. You ruin all the other days of the year for them, let them have a couple of days off from you and your mighty axe. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're always welcome to come to Solitude if you've decided the bandits deserve a vacation from your ruthlessness. There are no bandits that I'm aware of here, but we'll find other ways to keep ourselves busy. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I look forward to hearing from you. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yours sincerely,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hadvar </em>
</p>
<p>He read it over once for spelling, and once to see if it made sense. The Nord was tempted to ask Corpulus to read it over, just to see if it wasn't pushy. Then again, that would make it twice as embarrassing if she didn't respond to the idea in kind or if she didn't show up. Hadvar opted to give it to the courier, promising himself he wouldn't get his hopes up too high.</p>
<p>He thought back to how they met at Helgen all those months ago. Anyaie crossed the border at the wrong moment. Hadvar knew the Breton wasn't a Stormcloak the moment he laid eyes. Her name wasn't on the list, and she looked equal parts confused and terrified. The Nord had pity on her, and he didn't think he deserved her fate. Hadvar knew better than to disobey orders, so he didn't object to sending her to the block. It didn't mean that he didn't feel guilty about it.</p>
<p>Then the dragon attacked and the entire world turned upside down. Sometimes when he closed his eyes, he could still see the flames engulf the settlement. The screams haunted his nightmares along with the dragon's roar. Such destruction. Such death. He shuddered at the memories.</p>
<p>The only good thing to emerge from that day was the Divines offering him a chance to right his wrongs with Anyaie. He helped her escape Helgen—well, she helped him a good deal more than he expected. The woman was a skilled healer, and as sharp as a whip. Most important, she wanted to live, and she did whatever it could to get out of Helgen. He wouldn't have been able to do it without her, and he owed her a great favour. It was why he didn't mind leading her to Riverwood.</p>
<p>Anyaie was so quiet on the way to the village, and Hadvar couldn't help but notice just how troubled Helgen left her. He doubted the woman ever held a weapon in her life, or even found her life in danger. Hadvar accepted that risk when he joined the Imperial army. Anyaie likely knew no such thing, and the entire scene was probably more jarring for her than he would ever understand.</p>
<p>Hadvar wasn't surprised when the Breton approached the Guardian Stones after he explained their function. What took him off-guard was that she didn't approach the Mage Stone like he assumed she would. Instead, she received the blessing of the Warrior Stone. She offered no explanation and when he praised her, all she did was shrug. He suspected that she never wanted to feel powerless again, though he realized early on she would never tell him that.</p>
<p>He never expected that he would make love to her that same day. Hadvar once promised he would save himself for marriage, prompting relentless teasing from the young men he grew up with. For years, he denied himself pursuing anything sexual, and he only pleasured himself with his hand. Though he yearned for a woman's touch, he restrained himself, always reminding himself that it was important to keep his vow.</p>
<p>Something changed him at Helgen. It was the first time since he joined the Legion that it sunk in that there was no guarantee that tomorrow would come. The risk of dying in battle was always there, lingering at the back of his mind—he never pictured a dragon could end his life. The revelation took him aback, but he accepted it.</p>
<p>So when Anyaie walked towards him naked after they bathed, he didn't refuse her. She was a beautiful woman, and she had the brightest blue eyes she had ever seen. There was something Elven about her features, with her sharp chin and high cheekbones. And her body… he remembered the desire to cup her small, round breasts in his hands, and run his hands down her perfect ass. It went without saying she was gorgeous. The sex was more than he ever expected, or wanted, and it happened several more times throughout her time in Whiterun.</p>
<p>They kept in touch after Whiterun, writing letters to each other. Hadvar told himself it was because he wanted to make sure she was safe and that she was faring well in Skyrim. That was part of the truth. He looked forward to her letters, but it wasn't enough. He missed her presence, so he invited her to Solitude for a few days. Those days… the smile tugged at his lips. She was excellent company in every way.</p>
<p>They never spoke about what their trysts meant. He assumed Anyaie thought it was nothing serious, and she didn't seem comfortable considering anything beyond spending a few days with him when she could. Hadvar took what she gave him, suspecting she couldn't give him anything beyond what she already was. But he wanted more with her, and perhaps having her in Solitude for the holidays was the first step to accomplish that.</p>
<p>The response came a few days later. Hadvar tried not to show how eager he was when the courier handed him the letter. His heart hammered against his chest as he brought the letter to read in his quarters. The Nord tore the seal and examined the letter's contents.</p>
<p>
  <em>Dear Hadvar, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I will have you know that bandits do not deserve a break. My work of purging Skyrim of its brigands and thieves will never cease. However, I enjoy mulled wine a little more than I enjoy serving justice. Perhaps I will have to make the trip to Solitude. I have a job to finish, so I should be in Solitude by the 29th. If anything changes, you'll know. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Always,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Anyaie </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(P.S. I packed several potions to ward off frost and cold. I feel like having a lifetime supply while I live in this icy hellhole.) </em>
</p>
<p>Hadvar stared at the letter wide-eyed before breaking into a grin. It was a yes, and that was a start. Maybe there was a chance for them to be something more after all.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The twenty-ninth day of Evening Star came and Hadvar was a mixture of excited and nervous, but mostly nervous. He rented a room at The Winking Skeever for him and Anyaie. The last thing he needed was his fellow legionnaires making leery comments at the sight of her.</p>
<p>He waited for her at the inn, freshly bathed and shaved, a drink already in his hands. A part of him was nervous that the Breton wouldn't show up or change her mind in the middle of her travels. It was always like this when he waited for her. He wondered if it was the same on her end.</p>
<p>"Waiting for your woman, Hadvar?" Corpulus teased.</p>
<p>Hadvar blushed. "She's not my woman, Corpulus."</p>
<p>"Though you're not denying that you're waiting for her. Why don't you finally tell her you're head over heels for her?"</p>
<p>Hadvar choked on his drink, and Corpulus let out a hearty laugh. "Now, now. Don't choke on your drink, lad. I was only suggesting it."</p>
<p>"What were you suggesting, Corpulus?" a new voice asked.</p>
<p><em>Anyaie. </em>A grin spread on Hadvar's face even before he spun around to face her. It had been too long since they last saw each other, and she was every bit as beautiful as she remembered. The cold outside gave her cheeks a rosy glow, some of her hair out of its braid and plastered onto her face. She didn't smile, but the twinkle in her eyes told him that she was glad to be there. He wanted to reach out to her and kiss her, but decided against it. The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Corpulus grinned at her. "Look what the skeever dragged in. Back from another adventure, are you?"</p>
<p>"Nothing out of the ordinary. A friend of mine asked me to retrieve his sword," she replied as she took a seat next to Hadvar. He wished he could lean in and kiss her cheek to let her know he missed her. Instead, he settled on asking a question.</p>
<p>"Bandits, right? So you inflicted your wrath on those poor bastards after all," he asked.</p>
<p>Anyaie smirked. "I couldn't say no to a friend in need. It was a win-win situation."</p>
<p>Corpulus snorted and tossed her a mug of mulled wine. "A holiday special. This one's on the house. It's mulled wine."</p>
<p>"So I hear. Why do you think I came here in the first place?" Anyaie asked, and even Hadvar couldn't help but chuckle at that.</p>
<p>"I think you have other reasons to be here, lass. Now if you excuse me, I have some patrons other patrons to serve."</p>
<p>Corpulus winked at Hadvar, leaving him alone with Anyaie. Normally the pair would engage in some form of banter before they went to a room at whatever inn they rented. This time was different. The Nord wanted to spend some time with her before they went up to their room. There was still so much he felt he didn't know about her.</p>
<p>"You're even quieter than I am," Anyaie said, breaking his train of thought.</p>
<p>He flashed her a smile. "Just thinking."</p>
<p>"Anything in particular?" she asked.</p>
<p>"You're in luck. I did have something particular in mind. I realize you've never seen Solitude during the holiday season."</p>
<p>"You're suggesting a stroll around the city?"</p>
<p>"It'll do you some good to stretch your legs."</p>
<p>"All I do is stretch my legs, and my arms."</p>
<p>"I'm well-aware, now come on. We don't want to waste precious daylight."</p>
<p>Anyaie snorted, though she didn't protest more than that. He paid Corpulus for his drink, and the innkeeper waved them off, smirking as they left The Winking Skeever.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Solitude may not have been Riverwood, but Hadvar admitted that the capital city was livelier than the sleepy village in Whiterun. The streets always bustled with some sort of commotion, and the holiday season was no exception. Some members of the Bards College took to performing some songs for the holidays, whereas the local merchants peddled their wares. If Hadvar had a Septim for each time someone tried selling him or Anyaie something, they would be able to pay rent at The Winking Skeever for the next month. Truth be told, Hadvar didn't mind it. There was something infectious about the cheer in the air, and besides, the city looked lovely decorated in garlands, ribbons, wreathes, and ornaments.</p>
<p>At first, Hadvar was nervous that Anyaie wouldn't enjoy herself or think it was too childish. She had been to Solitude before, of course, and it wasn't new to her. It turned out his nervousness was unfounded. He heard her humming underneath her breath as they passed a couple of performers, even tossing a few a couple of Septims. The Breton made comments about the decoration here and there, and of course, she couldn't resist stopping at the bakery. Hadvar bought them both a powdered doughnut, opting to keep his treat in his pocket.</p>
<p>As they walked out of the bakery, Anyaie took a bite out of the doughnut. Hadvar turned his head away for one moment, pointing to an intricate decoration near the Bards College. By the time he turned back, Anyaie's lips were full of powder, and she stared at him like a deer caught in the middle of a hunt. Ridiculous as it was, she looked adorable, and he was half-tempted to kiss the powder off of her lips.</p>
<p>"Can't wipe," she said, half the pastry still in her mouth.</p>
<p>Hadvar laughed and offered her the back of his sleeve.</p>
<p>"Gross."</p>
<p>"Says the one who still has pastry in her mouth."</p>
<p>Anyaie swallowed and opted to use the back of her glove.</p>
<p>"You were saying about it being gross?" Hadvar asked, sweet as ever.</p>
<p>She glared at him and said, "It's still gross, but I didn't think of bringing anything to wipe my mouth."</p>
<p>"I mean, I could have helped you with that."</p>
<p>"You still can if you give me yours later."</p>
<p>She winked at him and walked towards the toy shop. <em>Is there anything this woman doesn't do that makes me want her more? </em>he wondered, trying to stop the lewd thoughts from entering his head and failing miserably. Thank the Nine his trousers were thick, and it was the middle of winter. He couldn't imagine half of Solitude noticing his hardness in the middle of summer.</p>
<p>In an effort to change his thoughts, he followed her to the store. Solitude's toy store was known for its fine wares. The toy maker at the shop was a generous Nord woman by the name of Mavda, whose family owned the store for as long as anyone could remember. Spinning tops, blocks, and dolls amongst many other toys adorned the store's shelves. Hadvar's eyes wandered to the wooden swords and shields, and he grinned. His father once gifted him a wooden sword, just like the one on display, and it was one of the few possessions he still had from his parents after their passing.</p>
<p>Hadvar was about to tell Anyaie when he found her holding a small cloth doll. It had thick blonde hair made of what he assumed was straw, and two buttons for eyes. It wore a bright green dress, sewn with love and care, and even had tiny boots to go with it.</p>
<p>"Are you thinking of buying it for your child, dear?" Mavda asked.</p>
<p>"Oh, oh no," Anyaie said, placing the doll back. "I don't have children."</p>
<p>"Just browsing the wares then? They are lovely, aren't they?"</p>
<p>"They are. If I had a child, I'd love to purchase one."</p>
<p>"You're never too old to buy a toy for yourself," the Nord woman said, flashing the Breton a kind smile.</p>
<p>Anyaie's forced a smile as she answered, "No. I guess not."</p>
<p>"I'll tell you what. Why don't I keep this one aside for you, just in case you want it?"</p>
<p>"That's unnecessary."</p>
<p>"Are you sure? It wouldn't be any trouble.</p>
<p>"Oh no, please. I…"</p>
<p>"I believe what my friend means is that she'll consider your generous offer," Hadvar said. "Would you keep it until tomorrow?"</p>
<p>"Of course, dear," Mavda said. "In the meantime, can I interest you in any of my other wares?"</p>
<p>"You're kind, Mavda, as always, but we were just browsing for today."</p>
<p>"I'll leave you to it. You know where to find me if you want something."</p>
<p>"Aye. Thank you."</p>
<p>Hadvar intended on questioning Anyaie when he heard a small voice beg, "Papa, please."</p>
<p>His and Anyaie's attention focused on a little girl holding onto one of the dolls on display. She must have been young, about five or six winters old. Her eyes watered as she stared up at her father, clutching onto the doll for dear life. The sight tugged at Hadvar's heart. The man's eyes were sorrowful as he answered, "No, love. I said we could only look at the dolls, not buy them."</p>
<p>"Why not?" the little girl asked.</p>
<p>"Papa doesn't have enough Septims right now. We barely have enough to cover food this month," the man admitted. The guilt in the man's voice hurt Hadvar. Times were tough with the ongoing war. This poor man was probably amongst those affected.</p>
<p>The little girl pouted, and clung onto the doll.</p>
<p>"Now put the doll back. Please, love," the man begged.</p>
<p>The tears dripped down the girl's face as she put the doll back in place, and it pained Hadvar. Just as he wanted to express his thoughts to Anyaie, she was not next to him. He panicked for a moment until he noticed that she was talking to Mavda. The Nord had a smile on her face and Anyaie handed her some gold. <em>Did she decide to go for the doll after all?</em>Hadvar thought. Before he could ask her anything, Anyaie walked towards the girl and her father.</p>
<p>"The doll is hers," Anyaie told the man. A huge smile washed over the little girl's face, and the man's brow furrowed.</p>
<p>"What? But we haven't even paid for it," he protested.</p>
<p>"You don't have to."</p>
<p>"Wait, how? Did…" and the man's eyes widened in surprise before they turned to gratefulness. "You covered the cost, didn't you? Thank you."</p>
<p>"There's no need to thank me."</p>
<p>Anyaie bent down at the girl's height and offered her the doll. "This is yours now. Take good care of her and make sure to brush her hair every night before you go to bed. Do you promise?"</p>
<p>In that moment, Hadvar knew that he didn't just want something more, he wanted a future with her. This was a woman who had seen Oblivion, yet still found it in her heart to be generous. She had a way with kids too, something that he noticed with Dorthe in Riverwood and once more at the toy store. It was a little fast, but Hadvar admitted that he was falling for her.</p>
<p>"I promise!" the girl squealed, grabbing the doll from Anyaie's hand. "Thank you so much, lady!"</p>
<p>"There's no need. Good luck. And happy holidays to both of you. Come on, Hadvar. We should be off," she said.</p>
<p>"Wait!" the man called out. "Is there anything I can do to repay you?"</p>
<p>Anyaie thought on it before saying, "Accept one last favour and we can call it even."</p>
<p>"I… I suppose that's fine."</p>
<p>"Take this," Anyaie said, handing him a small bag of gold from her pocket. "This should be enough to cover your food for the next week. Times are tough, but it doesn't mean the holidays should be."</p>
<p>"Divines bless your kind heart," the man said.</p>
<p>"No, Divines watch over you, sir. Good luck."</p>
<p>Once Hadvar and Anyaie waved goodbye to Mavda, they made their way back to The Winking Skeever—yet something bothered him. Her actions with the man and his girl were kind, and he loved her for it. The way that the Breton held the doll earlier told him there was something more. He knew Anyaie didn't enjoy talking about herself, but he had to ask her.</p>
<p>"What you did for that family was generous. You were good with that girl in there," Hadvar said.</p>
<p>Anyaie shrugged. "I like children, for the most part. Besides, no family should go without for the holidays."</p>
<p>"Did yours ever?"</p>
<p>"No. That was one thing my parents did right."</p>
<p>"So why were you so hesitant to buy the doll?"</p>
<p>"I wasn't hesitant. I'm a grown woman. What am I going to do with a doll?"</p>
<p>She was shutting down on him. Hadvar wouldn't let her, not when she was on the verge of revealing a part of herself to him. So he did what he thought would work best. He took her hand in his and asked, "Is that what's really bothering you?"</p>
<p>"Nothing."</p>
<p>"Anyaie.</p>
<p>"We've had such a good day. I don't want to ruin it."</p>
<p>"Why would you ruin it?"</p>
<p>"Because it's stupid, Hadvar. Again, I'm a grown ass woman. I should know better than to hold on to silly childhood memories."</p>
<p>"It won't be silly to me. I've never heard anything about your childhood. All you've told me is that you grew up in a small village and that your parents ran an apothecary. Tell me something, anything. If not, you'll have to hear about that time both of my parents grounded me for a week after I nearly broke their most valuable vase."</p>
<p>Anyaie laughed, a welcome sound that lightened the mood, if only for a moment.</p>
<p>"Come now. You must have been a sweet boy. Your parents couldn't have been angry at you for that long."</p>
<p>"Oh, they were furious. I'd like to think the fact I was so well-behaved is what knocked my punishment down from two weeks to one."</p>
<p>"Stop it. You're exaggerating," she said, giving him a gentle nudge.</p>
<p>"If they were alive, they'd beg to differ. I'm surprised my mother didn't threaten to disown me. Not that she would have with a son like me."</p>
<p>Anyaie gave him a soft smile. "If they'd be alive, they'd be proud of the man you've become."</p>
<p>"And yours? Wouldn't they be proud of you? You've accomplished so much in the short time you've been in Skyrim."</p>
<p>"I don't know."</p>
<p>She said little else, and Hadvar figured that was all he would get out of her. They walked in silence, her hand still in his. It was frustrating, but he knew better than to force her. He wanted her to trust him more and to be vulnerable with him. If they could have a future together, they had to work on this, together.</p>
<p>Suddenly, she turned to him and said, "I'm not good at this, so I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense but… well… my father cared little for the holidays. He was devout, of course, and so was my mother. He wasn't one for celebrations, though, and he didn't care about gift-giving unless it was practical. I used to get rare ingredients for my birthday, or a new journal to track my alchemical experiments. My mother followed much of what my father told her to do, so she never bought me anything without consulting him.</p>
<p>Except one year, she bought me a doll. I couldn't have been more than eight winters old. I never felt such joy opening a present. It looked just like the one in the store too, except it had a purple dress."</p>
<p>Her face lit up as she recalled the joy from her childhood. The Nord wished that she did that more often, but as soon as he thought it, that moment of happiness vanished. She quieted back again.</p>
<p>"That was sweet of your mother," Hadvar said.</p>
<p>"It was. Except…" her voice trailed off.</p>
<p>"Except what?" Hadvar urged.</p>
<p>"That same night, I heard my father tear into my mother. He insisted I was too old for toys, that it would distract me from what I needed to do, and demanded she return the doll. My mother fought him back and told him she didn't have the heart to take the doll away from me. She kept insisting that I was just a girl and that I needed to play."</p>
<p>Hadvar agreed with Anyaie's mother. What type of monster would insist on taking a child's toy away and prevent them from having a childhood? All of his fondest memories before his parents' passing revolved around him living a carefree life. Even when he moved in with Alvor in Riverwood, he and Sigrid never made him want for anything, and never took away his chance at having fun.</p>
<p>"Did you keep the doll?" Hadvar asked.</p>
<p>"No. I put it on the night table near my mother's bed. When she asked why it was there, I told her the doll was stupid," Anyaie confessed. "I think I hurt her feelings, but I didn't want my father angry with her."</p>
<p>Hadvar's heart broke for Anyaie. The little he was hearing about her time with her parents made her sound like a small adult rather than a child. While Anyaie's mother might have been well-intentioned, Hadvar guessed that the woman often bended to her husband's will. And her father… just how much of Anyaie's troubles stemmed from her relationship with her father? It wasn't fair to have such high expectations of a child. Her mother must have known that, but he wondered if she had done enough.</p>
<p>Instead of asking her any of those questions, Hadvar wrapped his arms around her waist. Anyaie stiffened at first, though she soon leaned into his touch. She let out a small sigh as her head pressed against his chest.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," he whispered.</p>
<p>She gazed up and gave him a sad smile. "You have nothing to apologize for. It's not like it was your fault, and besides… you're wonderful. If anything, I should be apologizing to you."</p>
<p>"Why?" he asked, cupping her face.</p>
<p>"I'm such a killjoy."</p>
<p>Hadvar laughed and said, "No. Only for bandits. Never for me."</p>
<p>Anyaie's eyes lit up at his words, and any hesitance he had about kissing her vanished. Hadvar brought her face towards his and captured her lips. They were cold, and a little dry, but so were his. He focused on the sweetness that lingered from the doughnuts, the way her mouth melded to his, and her tongue seeking his. The fact he wasn't in Riverwood to celebrate with his uncle wasn't so bad, not when he had Anyaie to spend it with.</p>
<p>They broke their kiss, their breaths coming out in small puffs of air. Anyaie had the pretties flush on her face, and her lips were swollen. It made him want more of her, and soon.</p>
<p>"Let's go back to the inn," he whispered.</p>
<p>"Let's," she agreed, pressing another kiss on his lips.</p>
<p>They returned to the inn hand-in-hand. As Hadvar brought her to their room, he felt Corpulus' smiling eyes upon them. It would disappoint the older Nord that there wasn't a confession, but this was another step towards something more.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Perfect Present</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They made love after they returned from their walk, and they were still basking in the afterglow. It was fantastic, but it was this part he always loved best. It was the intimacy that came with holding her in his arms while they were still naked, the way she trailed her hands down his chest, those small things that meant so much to him. Hadvar kissed the top of her head as she laid her head on his chest, eyes closed, though she wasn't sleeping. Anyaie was always quiet after sex. Although she wasn't fond of cuddling with him at first, she became more demonstrative over time. He liked to think that this was her way of showing affection without committing to anything.</p><p>The silence gave him a chance to reflect on the events at the toy store, and what Anyaie told him afterwards. He pictured a little girl with ashen brown hair and bright blue eyes placing the doll on her mother's nightstand, tears in her eyes. Just how many more instances like that one did she endure? What type of parent deprived their child of experiencing joy? The idea unsettled him. If he had his own kids one day, he never wanted them to feel unloved or invalidated. Hadvar remembered the love he shared with his parents, and he wanted nothing more than for his children to experience that as well. It was a shame Anyaie never did.</p><p>The Nord debated back and forth on if he should have bought her a gift. He decided against it, suspecting that Anyaie would get uncomfortable if he bought her jewelry. It wasn't as if he could offer her armor either. The woman always had the best armor available to her and even crafted several pieces herself. Oblivion, Hadvar even considered offering her cooking lessons, but he didn't have the heart to tell her just how bad her cooking was after an unfortunate night of vomiting. Still, he wanted her to feel special, and loved. What gift could he give her that she couldn't get for herself?</p><p>That was when it hit him. <em>The store should still be open</em>, he thought. <em>If I make a run for it, I'll be back in no time. </em></p><p>He brought her closer, and she released a contended sigh.</p><p>"You're going to have to move eventually," the Nord teased</p><p>"Mmm, so soon?"</p><p>"Only for a bit."</p><p>Hadvar kissed her cheek and got himself out of bed. Anyaie didn't react until he started putting his clothes on. She sat up in bed, watching him slip on his tunic.</p><p>"Where are you going?" she asked.</p><p>"On a quick errand. I'll be back soon."</p><p>"But I'm naked and we haven't even gone for a second round."</p><p>He laughed and kissed her again. "There will be plenty of time for a second round later. Get some food while you're waiting for me. One powdered doughnut and some mulled wine isn't enough to sustain you."</p><p>"How about two powdered doughnuts and some mulled wine?" she asked, flashing him a coy grin.</p><p>"You're a mess with those doughnuts."</p><p>"You did offer to help me clean," she said, her voice filled with lust.</p><p>The Breton nearly shattered his resolve. She was eager and willing. Would it be so bad if he went tomorrow and took her there and then? <em>Focus on the store, Hadvar</em>, he chided. He returned her wan smile by reaching into his pocket and tossing her a glove.</p><p>"You know what to do," he said, and blew her a kiss as he exited the room.</p><p>As he made his way to the inn's main level, he heard her call him an ass. She promised to withhold sex from him for at least a month, and she was not using his godsdamned glove to wipe her mouth. His laughter peeled throughout the noisy inn. She would find it funny too once she stopped threatening him.</p><p>***</p><p>The sun set over Solitude, giving way to the night sky. Hadvar would have to be quick if he wanted to get Anyaie's gift on time. He sprinted towards the store, prompting some glances from some confused bystanders, and made it right on time. Mavda was about to close up for the night, and Hadvar called out to her, urging her to stay open for one more moment.</p><p>Mavda grinned at him and said, "Changed your mind about making a purchase?"</p><p>"You can say that," Hadvar huffed, trying to catch his breath.</p><p>"Ten Septims say that you're back to buy that doll for your friend."</p><p>"How did you know?"</p><p>Mavda chuckled. "I had a feeling. It's still behind the counter."</p><p>The older woman entered the shop and came out with the doll. It was such a simple thing, yet Hadvar saw that Mavda made the dolls with love and care. It might seem silly to buy a grown woman a doll when he could have bought her jewelry, or any of the finer things that women like. It wasn't about the expense, but the thoughtfulness. The doll would mean more to Anyaie than a necklace.</p><p>"That's twenty Septims," Mavda told him, and he handed her the amount.</p><p>"This isn't a silly gift, is it?" he asked, just to be sure.</p><p>Mavda shook her head and smiled. "No. You're sweet doing this for her. There's something sad about that girl's eyes. She's seen a lot, hasn't she?"</p><p>Hadvar frowned. "She has."</p><p>"Just remember my boy, you can't heal her. Only she can do that."</p><p>He nodded and thanked Mavda for the doll, yet her words followed him as he exited the store. Hadvar never considered Anyaie as needing healing, or broken. The Nord suspected Helgen scarred her. He questioned how much she wasn't telling him, or even if she was aware of how much her past affected her. Hadvar wished he could take away her pain, but Mavda was right. It didn't mean he wouldn't make his lover feel better whenever he had a chance.</p><p>Hadvar returned to the inn, the small doll tucked away in his pocket. He scanned The Winking Skeever for the Breton, and sure enough, he saw Corpulus and Anyaie walk upstairs with a couple of plates. Hadvar grinned and followed them to their room. He walked ahead of them and opened the door, then helped them set down their meal. Anyaie ordered venison stew, potato bread, mulled wine, and a juniper berry crostata for them to share.</p><p>"If there's anything else that I can get you, don't hesitate to ask," Corpulus told them.</p><p>"Thank you," Anyaie said, and Hadvar echoed her.</p><p>As Anyaie was busy arranging the table, Corpulus mouthed to Hadvar, "Tell her," causing Hadvar to blush. It was his turn to clam up. They were having such a good time together. Was it fair to spring this on her? Corpulus rubbed his forehead and groaned. Before the innkeeper closed the door, he glared once more at Hadvar, and the younger man heard Corpulus' insistence all too clearly in his head.</p><p>"Where did you head off to?" Anyaie asked, ripping into the potato bread.</p><p>"Ah, nowhere special. I'm glad you took my advice about the food," Hadvar said, hoping to change the topic.</p><p>"You were right. I was hungry. I'm lucky that Corpulus thought of giving us something to eat. Don't worry. I paid him in full. The man always goes out of his way for us. I wonder why," she said.</p><p>Hadvar suppressed his laughter. He was sure the innkeeper was so generous because he wanted to see the two of them end up together. Though Corpulus lost his wife years ago, the man still believed in love. Well, that and because he was the local rumor mill, he tried to nudge couples together. Hadvar didn't tell Anyaie and instead took a spoonful of the stew instead.</p><p>As much as Corpulus meddled, he was right; Hadvar needed to talk to Anyaie soon. The purpose of having her in Solitude, apart from her company during the holidays, was to broach the conversation about a more meaningful relationship. Hadvar didn't want to force her into something she didn't want, but he had to test the waters. If he opened up the door to deeper conversations, it would be a start—just not in the middle of her eating her food. <em>You're a champion at finding excuses,</em> he thought, and focused on his food.</p><p>They ate in a comfortable silence. For a moment, Hadvar pictured him and Anyaie in their own place together, sharing their meals. The prospect warmed him more than the stew. He indulged in his thoughts, imagining that they were married and that they had children. It was too soon to spring all of those ideas on her. They could grow into it with time.</p><p>By the time he paid attention to Anyaie again, she devoured a quarter of the crostata. Hadvar laughed and said, "Your appetite knows no end."</p><p>Anyaie snorted. "Ever since I started adventuring more, my stomach has become a bottomless pit."</p><p>"You're more active than you were working the apothecary, I'd assume."</p><p>"For sure. I used to grumble all the time when my mother and father would require me for heavy lifting."</p><p>"And now you wield an axe as though you've had it your whole life."</p><p>"Who would have thought?" Anyaie asked, taking another bite of the crostata. She held her fork out to him. "Try it. I might try replicating it one day."</p><p>Hadvar took a bite, savoring the tartness of the juniper berries. He usually yearned for Alvor and Sigrid's cooking at this time of year. The homesickness was still there, but it waned with every moment that passed by. Maybe in a few years, he and Anyaie could look back on this as their first holiday together. It would become a fond memory, and Hadvar tucked it away at the back of his mind and—oh! Her gift.</p><p>"I'm surprised you haven't asked me more about my errand," Hadvar said.</p><p>Anyaie shrugged. "I figured you had something important to do."</p><p>"You're right, I did. I bought you a gift."</p><p>The Breton's eyebrows shot up. "Hadvar! You didn't have to do that!"</p><p>"And what if I wanted to?"</p><p>"I would have insisted that you didn't. You should return it and…"</p><p>As she rambled on about how unnecessary gifts were, Hadvar gently pried her hands open and placed the doll in her hand. Anyaie looked down and let out a small gasp. She held onto the small thing as though it were precious, stroking the doll's hair with care. When she looked up at him again, there were tears in her eyes. A wave of guilt crashed through Hadvar, and he took her face in his hands.</p><p>"I'm sorry if this is upsetting to you. I assumed you'd…" Hadvar started.</p><p>"No, no. Please. Don't apologize," Anyaie said, putting her hands on his. "I…this. It's so thoughtful. And I didn't even get you anything…"</p><p>"Shhh. That you're here is enough of a gift. I wanted to spend the holidays with you this year."</p><p>"Why, Hadvar?" she asked.</p><p>He ran his thumb along her lower lip. "Because you're special to me, Anyaie. I enjoy your company, a lot. I hope you enjoy mine too."</p><p>It was as close to a confession as he could muster, and he only hoped she caught onto his meaning.</p><p>Anyaie brought their lips together. It was tender and sweet, so unlike the way she usually kissed him. The Nord tasted the saltiness of her tears, and felt the way her hands cupped his cheeks. It was an affectionate and intimate gesture, uncharacteristic of the Breton. He wondered if she was telling him she felt the same without saying anything, as if she didn't know how.</p><p>They made love again shortly after. Something changed. Hadvar couldn't put his finger on what it was. Anyaie seemed less coy, her touches less lascivious, though no less arousing. Their movements were slow, sensual, and it brought a delightful chill down Hadvar's spine. He watched Anyaie's face as she came. Her blue eyes shone with lust, but for a moment, he could have sworn he saw something close to love.</p><p>Once they were done, Hadvar brought Anyaie into his arms. She smiled up at him. It was one of the few times he saw her at ease, and genuinely happy. The Nord loved seeing her like that. He wished he could make her smile like that every day.</p><p>"You're smiling. Care to share?" Anyaie asked.</p><p>"I'm thinking I should buy your gifts more often," Hadvar teased.</p><p>She kissed the tip of his nose. "You don't need to buy me gifts in order to have sex with me."</p><p>"Are you sure? I was wondering if I bought you jewelry…"</p><p>The Breton laughed and silenced him with her lips. This was much better than buying her jewelry, though maybe he would one day. He could imagine it. It would be a a ring with a stone that matched the color of her eyes.</p><p>"I can craft my own jewelry," Anyaie said.</p><p>Hadvar grinned. "When did you learn that?"</p><p>"Recently. I started making necklaces here and there. They're not the most refined things that ever existed, but they aren't terrible. They go for a pretty Septim too. It's a little extra something to keep me fed."</p><p>"You could become a jeweler once things settle and the war is over," he suggested.</p><p>"And deal with people? Not a chance. I enjoy adventuring too much."</p><p>Hadvar wasn't surprised. He remembered when she went to the Warrior Stone, seeking its blessing. Something drew her to it, and while she was still learning, he couldn't help but be impressed at her proficiency. She was a natural with a weapon, a surprise given that her parents drilled alchemy and healing into her.</p><p>"And what about you? What will you do once the war is over?" the Breton asked.</p><p>Hadvar hesitated. He didn't know whether he should tell her about the things he wanted, especially when they involved her. The Nord still wasn't sure what she felt about a future with him, and telling her in bed wouldn't be his brightest idea. He settled on telling her most of the details.</p><p>"I want to get married," he admitted.</p><p>"Married?" she asked, trailing her hands down his chest. "That makes sense. You seem like the marrying type."</p><p>"There's a type now, is there?" he asked.</p><p>Her eyes sparkled with amusement. "There's a type for everything. So a wife, then. Tell me more about this ideal life of yours after the war."</p><p>Suddenly, he felt so exposed. He hoped he wouldn't sound so ridiculous. But when she looked at him, so curious, Hadvar didn't want to deny her. So he told her.</p><p>"It sounds silly, but I've always wanted to move closer to Whiterun. Somewhere not too far from Riverwood, but closer to the city. I wouldn't mind having my own farm and living a simple life."</p><p>"With your wife?"</p><p>"Aye, and our children. Two children. I wished I had siblings growing up. It can be lonely being an only child. And that's how I would spend my life. Quiet, peace, with the thoughts of wars and dragons behind me."</p><p>"That sounds lovely, actually," Anyaie admitted.</p><p>"And you? What do you want? A husband? Children?" he asked.</p><p>All the joy and mirth on her face disappeared in instants. <em>Did I push her too far? Is this not something that she's ready to talk about? </em></p><p>"I don't think that's possible for me, Hadvar," Anyaie said.</p><p>"Why not? You're a beautiful woman, and any man would be lucky to have you. Unless you don't want to get married, or have children."</p><p>"I never cared for marriage. Children are a different story altogether. I'd like a child one day, even if I don't have a husband, I mean, if it's possible."</p><p>"You can always adopt a child when you're stable enough," Hadvar suggested.</p><p>Her brows shot up, and she said, "Oh." It was as if the possibility dawned on her for the first time. <em>Did she never consider of it before?</em> She was good with children, so it would make sense that she would want having some of her own. But did she never truly think of adoption? The whole exchange left Hadvar perplexed, though he didn't question it. He never did, preferring to give Anyaie her silences rather than risk upsetting her.</p><p>"When this is over, we'll both have what we want," Hadvar said, and kissed her cheek.</p><p>"A farmhouse with children? Perhaps," Anyaie said, and for a moment, he was sure that she meant she wanted that with him.</p><p>The conversation shifted to other matters before they drifted to sleep, but the question weighed on his mind. Did Anyaie want that sort of future with him? The way she gazed up at him, so full of…was it love? He had so many questions, but he never pressed. Sometimes, the Nord wished he asked her what she thought, and what she meant. <em>I can be such a coward</em>, he thought, before allowing sleep to wash over him.</p><p>***</p><p>When Hadvar woke up that morning, Anyaie was gone. The panic swelled in his chest. Had something happened to her, or did he scare her off? He scrambled out of bed, trying to find a trace of her. The only assurance he had that she was coming back was that most of her belongings were still in the room, including the doll. The Nord sat back down onto the bed and calmed his racing heart. He was letting his insecurities get the better of him.</p><p>The door creaked open, and the Breton appeared. She flashed him a smile as she removed her coat and her boots. Hadvar returned her grin, grateful for her presence, though he would never mention that to her. <em>The last thing I need her thinking is that I've become lovesick. </em></p><p>She pressed a kiss on his lips and said, "Morning."</p><p>"Morning yourself. You're up early," Hadvar noted, kissing her back.</p><p>"Am I early or are you late?" she teased.</p><p>"Mmm. I think you're early."</p><p>"I didn't have the heart to wake you up. You were snoring so loud that…"</p><p>"I do not snore."</p><p>"I'm sorry. Would you forgive me if I said I had a gift for you?" she asked, straddling him.</p><p>"A quick romp?" he asked.</p><p>"No," she said. "A real gift."</p><p>"You didn't have to get me anything."</p><p>Anyaie pressed one last kiss to his lips and walked towards her coat. The Breton fished into her pocket and pulled out a small, wrapped box. She sat down next to him at the edge of the bed and handed him the gift.</p><p>"I wanted to. This is for you, and everything you've done for me," Anyaie said.</p><p>His heart flooded with joy. It didn't matter what she bought him. Just the fact that she did something in return was enough. She glanced at him, her eyes hopeful. Hadvar unwrapped the box carefully. A smile played on his lips as he pulled a golden chain with a small pendant on it. The sun hit it, and Hadvar could see a small reddish shift in the metal.</p><p>"There's a minor enchantment on it. An extra boost to your health," she explained, her cheeks flushing red in embarrassment.</p><p>"You made it yourself?" Hadvar asked.</p><p>"I did. It's not much, though."</p><p>"A little thing can make all the difference."</p><p>"I hope so. It can be the difference between going to Sovngarde or your farmhouse."</p><p>"It's perfect. And so are you."</p><p>Anyaie beamed at him, and his world was complete. He loved this woman, and he was starting to suspect she reciprocated his love. Hadvar didn't need a confession. All he needed was Anyaie with him at that moment. It made their holiday that much more special together, and Hadvar would never forget it.</p><p>***</p><p>Hadvar wrote to Anyaie after their time in Solitude, but she never answered. At first he worried, imagining that some terrible fate befell her. The courier informed him she received the letter, and so he waited a month. In that time, he heard about her exploits through some old friends in Whiterun and realized that she chose not to write to him.</p><p>Then he made a mistake. It was one reckless night, and it still tormented him whenever he recalled of it. He agreed to a night of drinking with his fellow legionnaires, if only to forget the Breton that haunted his thoughts. The Nord bedded a wench. It felt good in the moment, and it was enough to make him forget Anyaie, but the regret dawned on him in the morning. They might have never defined the terms of their relationship, but Hadvar considered it a betrayal.</p><p>Hadvar convinced himself that it was better that they remain apart. There was too much pain and guilt. <em>I wouldn't know how to react to her now</em>, he thought. The memories still hurt too much, or at least, that was what he thought.</p><p>Sometimes, he caught himself reliving their first and last holiday. He put his anger aside, if only for a moment, to remember the woman he fell in love with. It was in those instances he knew that he would take her back. She would always have a special place in his heart, even if she didn't know it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading &lt;3 Comments are always welcome!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading &lt;3 All comments are welcome</p>
<p>(P.S. And for those of you who are waiting for THB to be updated, that should be coming at the end of this week. Stay tuned!)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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